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Pranthee
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Name: Rena
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 7/8/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Being a Woman of God
Expertise: Singing to the LORD, Laughing ridiculously loud, attempting to be a domestic, wasting time on xanga, Being AMAZING
Occupation: Awesome Person
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/24/2002
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| interesting thing that i just noticed. i read the last few entries that i wrote and in April i wrote about people passing on...then i noticed that one of my tag lines was dedicated to Regina, Savita and Andrew. its unbelievable that only a month later from that exact date, i had to do the hardest thing and bury my grandmother. this life is a funny thing, one that we will never truly understand. the list of those people that the tag line is dedicated to has only grown longer since 2005...Dennis, Toby, Philip Uncle, Shibu, Amachi....
Lord, You know what You are doing. There is no reason we should EVER question You. Please just keep them in the shadow of your wing. There is no better place for them to be than right by Your side.
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| i remember the days i checked this every other second of my life. i remembered it today in my moments of complete boredom and my inability to sleep. its 1:14AM and i'm sitting on my living room floor wide awake because i was a genius who had a coffee at 6 and then had two sodas and put a nice scoop of ice cream in one of those sodas...haha i REALLY wanted to watch a movie after that but then i remembered that i have responsibilities for the engagement tomorrow. luckily for me all i really have to worry about is my hair since a sari is out of the question. niiiiice. did i charge my camera battery? i dunno.
started the new job at the hospital this week. have to say that in a week its been great so far, but i'm still shadowing so when i "hit the ground running" i'm quite certain that it will get way harder. i'm putting it in the Lord's hands and leaving it there. He'll handle it for me.
whoa...did i just get a little tired? thats a good thing...perhaps writing xanga entries is good for my sleep pattern? lol
ahh yes. i'm tired. the end.
thank you xanga!
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| i'm in the office. i should be doing anything BUT writing this blog. i've come to realize that after almost a year here that this is a pretty toxic working environment, with two people in particular who at any moment could stick a knife in your front, not even your back. so with that on my mind at all times, i am very grateful for my corner cube and i watch over my shoulder quite frequently. i've also learned to not be in the office as much and be on the field more with clients just to keep myself sane. i love my clients, i love the work, i just hate the evil that lurks in this office.
besides that what can i tell you... i have this lovely licensing exam to study for, and the process of studying for it really drains the social aspect of my life from existence. i allow myself one week night out and the weekends, if its not a church service or youth meeting, i will not go. its really frustrating that it comes to this, but i just really need to pass this test and that requires extensive intensive study. please keep me in prayer. i have faith in God that He is going to unfold His plan for my life whatever it may be. so whatever it is, i'm making myself ready for His will. i was going to insert one of those "oh but i hope He does this..." but thats not really accepting His will now is it?
a lot has been going on in the world around me and there have been a lot of dear ones that have joined our Father. its crazy that i've lost so many friends and each time doesnt mean that it gets any easier. its the worst news you could ever hear and especially when its someone close to you....that makes it all the more painful.
its funny that i think of all this now in addition to my being angry about something that happened yesterday, because the verse for today was of course God speaking directly to me
"I appeal to you, brothers...that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought." 1 Corinthians 1:10
so there goes holding on to my anger to teach someone a lesson. sometimes its really hard to turn the other cheek...but what does it profit me to hurt someone else's feelings? i dont feel better hurting someone else simply because my feelings were hurt. it doesnt make the situation better. its just foolish.
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| i feel like i'm a lot more aware of my actions as of recent. when i do something, i know why i did it. its not one of those...it was out of my control or i dont know what came over me and why i did that. i know exactly why i did that. and i feel the effect of it. and it takes over me. there was so much anger in me last night, and i read something that was filled with anger which was all i needed to keep my anger going...and it led to sin which i understood the reason for. and the guilt that followed me to this morning which makes me feel like everything i touch will be destroyed...and the stress that i'm feeling unecessarily...and the guilt that is hanging over me like the grayest cloud....i know why i'm feeling it. i know what the catalyst was...i know why i did what i did..i know why i'm feeling the way i do. so being this aware and still doing it? what the bloody is wrong with me? awareness should keep you on the right path shouldnt it? it shouldnt be there while you do what you don't need to do! is this masochism? do i like putting myself through this cycle? i need to do something with my life. i need to be better. God is speaking, but am i listening? there's been a lot of evil moving all around me...i'm not strong enough to take it on, but i've been so caught up that i've forgotten that its not my battle to take on. i need to go back. back to the only thing that matters. the only thing that counts. the only thing i need. there is only one thing that matters in this life...and thats God. everything else is trivial | | |
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